A little bit of cleavage

Today’s Exponent post got me thinking about my own relationship to my breasts, which is complex.  When I was a teen and realized that my breasts got me a lot of attention from guys, I realized that I could use them to my advantage.  I knew that guys wanted them and as soon as I let them under my shirt, they were pretty helpless (why is that??).  It seemed to whet their appetites and leave them wanting more.  This undeniable attraction that guys had with my chest was mystifying even as I marveled that it held such sway and used that to my advantage.

As I’ve gotten older, I’m still often amazed at how a small bit of cleavage can catch the attention of almost any man (and some women, too, but I’m just now starting to notice that). Even in my most professional of relationships, I can catch a guy’s eyes darting down to my chest. And I wonder, what is going through his mind when he does that? What is he hoping to see? Does it arouse him? Does it send mixed messages about my intentions? Or is it just plain curiosity?

I still seem to enjoy the power that my breasts wield–even though mine are far from being as perky and as attractive as they were 20 years ago. They create a kind of marker between me and the men around me that signals our differences and the potential for danger and/or illicit behavior. I can’t think of another body part that so readily achieves this type of nuanced communication–that suggests “I am woman and you are man” and hints at an ensuing tension between us.

why I love/hate my boobs

The other day I was weighing myself (I’ve been trying to lose a bit of weight) and on a whim I put the scale up on the kitchen table and weighed my boobs.  I have a kind of love/hate relationship with my chest.  I  love that other people find it attractive, but I hate how inconvenient it is to be ‘well-endowed’–clothes don’t fit so well, supportive bras are expensive, and there’s just the constant shoulder pain.

a case for wearing hotpants

One of my LDS friends once lamented to me that she had such a cute body when she was a teen, but she was obsessed with being “modest” and never wore anything that highlighted her curves or showed off her cellulite-free thighs. She said that after having several kids and gaining quite a bit of weight in the process, she felt sad that she no longer had a body that would look good in sexy clothes.

I thought of my friend today when I watched this video. Joy is indeed beautiful and her physical confidence is charming. I can’t believe that big women actually receive the slurs and insults that she relates in this clip.