Bloggernacle roundup

Recent sex-related posts from the bloggernacle:

Some funny sex discussion at the Exponent retreat.
Erotic images and female desire from ancient Greece.
Devyn S. wishes he had a uterus.
I like sex, Ed.

That’s all I remember off the top of my head, but I’m sure I’m missing some. Have you seen other good (or bad) blog posts about sexuality in the bloggernacle recently?

And now, to scare the sh** out of you

One in four New Yorkers has herpes. This includes 49% of black New Yorkers (!) and 36% of female New Yorkers.

Yikes.

Put a condom on it, boys and girls, unless you are absolutely positively 100% sure your partner is clean.  Or, play solitaire.

And this is a good time to admit:  The Mormon virgin-till-marriage route has its drawbacks, but it’s not without potential benefits too.

Give us this day our daily . . .

Have you seen this article (which is currently number one on the NYT top-10 list) yet? It discusses two couples who have taken a somewhat novel approach to dealing with relationship issues.

Let’s say you and your spouse haven’t had sex in so long that you can’t remember the last time you did. Not the day. Not the month. Maybe not even the season. Would you look for gratification elsewhere? Would you file for divorce? Or would you turn to your mate and say, “Honey, you know, I’ve been thinking. Why don’t we do it for the next 365 days in a row?”

That’s more or less what happened to Charla and Brad Muller. And in another example of an erotic adventure supplanting married ennui, a second couple, Annie and Douglas Brown, embarked on a similar, if abbreviated journey: 101 straight days of post-nuptial sex.

Both couples document their exploits in books published this month, the latest entries in what is almost a mini-genre of books offering advice about the “sex-starved marriage.”

The couples in the article seem to have gotten a sort of boost from a commitment toward every-day sex. And why not? Sex can be a good way for a couple to re-connect, to affirm their commitment for each other, and frankly, to have fun. A commitment to daily sex is a commitment to couple-building, in an important way (and has a built-in reward system!).

Would the same approach work on a broader level? A Florida church was in the news recently for its own, religion-oriented adaptation of exactly this approach: The pastor challenged married members of the congregation to have sex every day for the next 30 days. (That’s different than the usual “do your home teaching” exhortations I usually hear in church!) It sounds quite promising. The brochure and blog on the church’s website discuss the many potential benefits of the 30-day challenge. I wonder if my stake will ever do something like this.

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Is daily sex potentially a good thing? Do the benefits — connection, affirmation, affection — outweigh the potential drawbacks? Would it ever get blase and boring?

And how different would church be if leaders stood at the pulpit and challenged members to have sex every day? If instead of (or in addition to) home teaching and tithing, the bishop or EQP asked if you were getting it on daily? (Um, would that be an incentive, or would it just be weird?) If the visiting teachers offered tips and advice on favorite sex toys?

Or maybe even offered to join in every once in a while . . .

Reasons not to drive naked

Sure, it’s fun and transgressive and different. It spices up the ol’ commute. It can be a good way to flirt with your significant other, and it gets the attention of truckers. (And really, who doesn’t want truckers’ attention?)

But there’s a downside, too. You might get in an accident; and then a (naked) argument with the other driver; and then a cold, nippy walk home (videotaped by a nosy neighbor); and then you might kick in someone else’s door, get arrested, and ultimately end up in the paper over it all. And you wouldn’t want that, would you?

Moral of the story: Don’t drive naked.

Questions for readers:

Have you tried driving naked? Did you like it? What role does it play in your own sexuality or your relationship? What role does exhibitionism play, more broadly?

Did you get a ticket for it? (On the flip side, have you ever flashed skin to get out of a ticket?)

Also: Meth — any thoughts?

What’s the frequency, Kenneth?

Therapist [split screen]: Do you have sex often?
Woody Allen: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
Diane Keaton: [annoyed] Constantly. I’d say three times a week.

-From “Annie Hall”

According to some statistics, married couples have sex an average of 98 times per year (just less than twice a week). Overall, Americans have sex 132 per year, with cohabitating couples having the most sex and singles having the least. (Also, 45% of respondents have had a one-night stand, while 48% of the women surveyed admit to faking orgasms.)

Casual, anecdotal evidence and talks with friends suggests that in some relationships, this becomes a very big deal. What’s the right frequency for sex? To what extent does this differ across gender lines? Do you wish you had sex more often? Less often?

To what extent do libido/frequency issues play a role in your relationship? How do you discuss or resolve those issues?

Time for a Cuddle Party?

They seem to be all the rage these days. One news story notes:

It’s a Cuddle Party, and it’s exactly what it sounds like. Adults getting together to cuddle. To sprawl on the floor and spoon in ratty sweats. To pile on one another like pound puppies. To satiate their “skin hunger.”

Another story explains:

Tsk, tsk if you thought Cuddle Parties were about sex. They’re painstakingly platonic. They’re all about making touch A-OK, promoting intimacy in a world increasingly lived online, alone together. They’re about “a structured, safe workshop on boundaries, communication, intimacy and affection.” . . .

A Cuddle Party may look like a pajama party for grown-ups. It’s fun but there are rules. The number one rule, pajamas stay on the whole time. This is a non-sexual event. There’s snuggling, nuzzling and even spooning. But not everyone’s ready for a group hug right away since you may not know everyone. So to get comfortable there are a few steps to start with.

The first step, whether you’re with a partner or by yourself, is to sit and chat in a welcome circle. You hear the rules which include asking permission and getting a verbal yes before you touch anybody. And if everyone agrees to all of the rules, the cuddling begins.

The concept was created (or at least, named) four years ago. They’ve been increasing in popularity ever since — now they’re happening in cities all over the country. They’ve even made it onto CSI.

And it really is a fascinating and poignant commentary on modern culture that adults feel the need to formally get together with strangers just to feel human touch.

What role does non-sexual touch and affection play in your own life? What has your experience or observation been about touch and intimacy among Mormons? I don’t think that Mormons touch much, as a general rule. Is that what you’ve seen, too? Do you ever feel touch-deprived, in the community? And how do you separate out non-sexual from sexual touch, in your own life?

And really, do we need to start holding ward cuddle parties?

Tis the Season

Resources: Proctor on Birth control

Continuing with the theme of posting links to resources about Mormonism and sexuality: One important article is Melissa Proctor’s article Bodies, Babies, and Birth Control, which discusses the history of birth control among Mormons. The article is available in Dialogue’s free digital archive. Highly recommended!

More bloggernacle posts about sexuality

There are a whole lot of interesting bloggernacle posts, and collecting them all will take some time. For now, here are a few more links of possible interest. (Thanks to my co-blogger Lily for finding some of these.)

Pormonism (or, Porn meets Mormonism)

Exponent II magazine recently dedicated an entire volume to the topic of porn addiction. The volume is available for free online, and has a number of different articles on the topic. A good blog discussion is also available at Exponent blog.

I’m glad that the magazine and blog are addressing the topic of porn. It’s an important issue for a lot of people, and it’s one that is often swept under the carpet. This kind of sustained discussion can be a good thing.

I’m less happy with the ultimate product, though. It seems to me that, while it has some real good material, it also has some significant omissions, blind spots, and problems.