“Sexy Time” Music

It’s Business Time.  You know it.  Your significant other knows it.  You’ve dimmed the lights.  Or you’ve lit scented candles.  You’ve got your “game face” on.  Maybe you’re wearing your lucky boxers, or your do-me-now teddy.  Only one thing remains, a little mood music… that perfect CD to set the atmosphere. 

 

What’s it gonna be?  You scan your CD collection; you dial through your iPod…

I suppose it’s because their balls are so pure?

These purity balls really freak me out. I mean, really. Talk about a throwback to medieval traditions of fathers protecting their daughter’s “virtue.”

Sure in the LDS church we have plenty of talk about premarital virginity, but I’m really glad it isn’t taken to such an extreme. Or do these happen in Utah and I’m just clueless?

The So-Called “G Spot”

When I first heard of the “Gräfenberg Spot,” better known as the “G Spot,” my mind pictured a “pleasure button,” not unlike a video arcade button.  It sounded like all one had to do was find the button, and bang away on it, like killing aliens in Space Invaders or jumping barrels in Donkey Kong.  Seemed easy enough, or so I thought.

 

Years later, when I became sexually active, my attempts at finding – and more important, successfully coaxing a response from the G Spot – was pretty hit and miss.  Sometimes it appeared to be as mythical and difficult to find as Atlantis or El Dorado; other times it was as obvious and easy to find as a Starbucks.

What’s Your Fetish?

Ever watch Real Sex on HBO?  It’s been around for something like a hundred years, I think.  They keep playing the same 30ish episodes over and over again.  The last “new one” was probably produced long before Clinton and Lewinsky were playing “hide the cigar” in the Oval Orifice. 

 

It’s called “Real Sex,” but 99 times out of 100 it doesn’t depict the kind of real sex I like to engage in on a regular basis.  Most of the episodes are kind of hard to watch, to tell you the truth.  Last night I made my wife change the channel because the weird latex fetish sh*t they were doing on screen didn’t compliment the left-over Subway sandwich I was trying to eat for dinner.

 

This ain’t boner-producing stuff, that’s for sure.

Important doctrinal question

Exodus 20 says:

17 Thou shalt not ^acovet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s ^bwife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.

So I’m not supposed to covet my neighbor’s wife. And I’m also not supposed to covet my neighbor’s ass.

But am I allowed to covet his wife’s ass?

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(Yeah, I know. Don’t give up my day job.)

“Tequila makes her clothes fall off” — the role of alcohol in Mormon sexuality

Joe Nichols’ song, Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off, is all good fun. But there’s really something to the idea, isn’t there?

I’ve known co-workers and friends who tend to lose clothing and inhibitions with a drink or two. For some, this leads to embarrassing moments. But for others, it’s an integral part of their sexuality.

Mormons are limited in this context. There is no socially acceptable Mormon setting for drinking. Some members may drink, but they do so outside of church settings (and often hidden from other church members).

To what extent does this limit Mormon sexuality? And, are these limits good or bad, in the end?

Practicing Mormons avoid the potential emotional (or other) fallout that others may face, following unwise, booze-fueled hook-ups. This is an upside. I’ve known some co-workers who regretted their very public hook ups.

On the other hand, Mormon ideas on sexuality are often rigid and repressed. Sometimes I have to wonder whether more Mormons couldn’t use a drink to loosen up.

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What role, if any, has alcohol played in your own sexuality? How do you negotiate the complicated potential interplay between alcohol, sex, and Mormonism? What good or bad have you found inside or outside of the traditional LDS approach?

And, what’s your favorite drink? Does tequila (or anything else) make your clothes fall off? Inquiring minds want to know.

Naked Mormon Bloggers?

I was intending to take a poll here at the VC, to see which of us bloggers you’d most like to see pose in a calandar centerfold, just like this poll at Playboy.

But given the recent news that missionary calendar hottie Chad Hardy is now facing church discipline for his shirtless pics, I’m starting to reconsider my intention.

Mormon Erotica on Youtube

Just for fun — here’s the coolest Youtube I’ve seen for a while. The juxtaposition of image and word is just priceless.  Mormon images like you’ve never quite seen them before.

Use it or lose it?

Want to avoid ED? Have sex at least once a week.
Or, alternatively, you could go for every day.

Union with God?

I’ve read this talk so many times, I can quote sections of it verbatim:

Sexual intimacy is not only a symbolic union between a man and a woman–the uniting of their very souls–but it is also symbolic of a union between mortals and deity, between otherwise ordinary and fallible humans uniting for a rare and special moment with God himself and all the powers by which he gives life in this wide universe of ours.

In this latter sense, human intimacy is a sacrament, a very special kind of symbol. For our purpose here today, a sacrament could be any one of a number of gestures or acts or ordinances that unite us with God and his limitless powers. We are imperfect and mortal; he is perfect and immortal. But from time to time–indeed, as often as is possible and appropriate–we find ways and go to places and create circumstances where we can unite symbolically with him, and in so doing gain access to his power. Those special moments of union with God are sacramental moments

I’ve always been confused by the suggestion that sex is a holy, godly, act. In my experience the kind of spiritual connections that I’m making during sex are completely different from anything I feel in church. I don’t like thinking of sex as a union between me, my DH, and God–that just seems creepy.

What about you?