Comments on: Law of Chastity Redux Again Part XXICDLLV… http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/law-of-chastity-redux-again-part-xxicdllv%e2%80%a6/ Celebrating Mormon Sexuality Sun, 22 Nov 2009 23:21:57 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: jessawhy http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/law-of-chastity-redux-again-part-xxicdllv%e2%80%a6/#comment-609 jessawhy Thu, 26 Jun 2008 03:56:47 +0000 http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/?p=87#comment-609 SteveEM; Ewww SteveEM;
Ewww

]]> By: Flygirl http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/law-of-chastity-redux-again-part-xxicdllv%e2%80%a6/#comment-605 Flygirl Wed, 25 Jun 2008 05:02:23 +0000 http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/?p=87#comment-605 Buffy, I am in a similar situation (30-year old virgin, no longer happy about it), and just wanted to say thanks for your comment. I really liked your idea of a step-by-step plan. Buffy,

I am in a similar situation (30-year old virgin, no longer happy about it), and just wanted to say thanks for your comment. I really liked your idea of a step-by-step plan.

]]> By: Steve EM http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/law-of-chastity-redux-again-part-xxicdllv%e2%80%a6/#comment-602 Steve EM Wed, 25 Jun 2008 00:13:25 +0000 http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/?p=87#comment-602 Wow, the thought of being with Buffy is quite arousing, and I'm happily married and too old for her. Wow, the thought of being with Buffy is quite arousing, and I’m happily married and too old for her.

]]> By: Eugene http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/law-of-chastity-redux-again-part-xxicdllv%e2%80%a6/#comment-578 Eugene Sat, 21 Jun 2008 16:34:34 +0000 http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/?p=87#comment-578 My inner agent can't help saying it, but what a great couple of novels this thread could generate. The book proposals practically write themselves. My inner agent can’t help saying it, but what a great couple of novels this thread could generate. The book proposals practically write themselves.

]]> By: buffy http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/law-of-chastity-redux-again-part-xxicdllv%e2%80%a6/#comment-573 buffy Sat, 21 Jun 2008 00:58:37 +0000 http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/?p=87#comment-573 "Truly confused" it's not hopeless.. Left the fold at age 34 for doctrinal/cultural reasons with my virginity also intact. I do have some serious regrets at not exploring my sexuality with some great non-LDS men dated in the past, but after sulking about my losses for awhile decided to make my future sexuality not similarly regrettable. I have found overcoming the vice-like grip of my former chastity views easier to overcome in a step-wise process. The first year I spent time educating myself about sexuality. Talked to sexually healthy friends, bought about 10 books academic and mainstream with explicit but tasteful pictures and instructions, watched 1 porn and 2 about porn documentaries and generally just got a look at the world around me (good and bad) that had been severly censored for so long. The next year I spent becoming accepting and comfortable with my body which is a hard balance to figure out where you really fit between extreme modesty and uber-tramp, also becoming comfortable with masturbation and exploring toys and vibrators (which was the hardest after a very disfunctional and perverse experience with a former bishop) to really enjoy and have full control over my personal sexual response (want to really see something sadder than 34y.o virgin,try never masturbating or hitting the "big O" until age 27-now that pisses me off) But I've felt like I've taken another forward reaching and joyful step. Next working towards the sex which is hardest but I hope I'm almost there. It is awkward to say to a guy at this age "uh, can you take it slow, I'm a virgin" that's open for "wierdo" label or the fact that I've kept the netherlands so supremely clean I could land a scorching case of herpes by the wrong jerk. There is also the part of me that thinks I'm going to be too picky (when I really don't want to be) about giving it up. So I guess I'm saying don't feel bad about 34, rent "40y.o virgin" pop some popcorn, and do what I do, reinvent your personal chastity mantra to fit who you really are inside. There is really alot of joy and discovery in this new phase of your life, like a new adventure to be had after an old well-meaning but useless chastity topographical map got you nowhere. Wish your fellow virgin luck on phase 3, I'm setting a goal to get laid by 2009. Pity the next guy I get in a somewhat enjoyable dating relationship with, the poor bastard won't know what hit him. Also, in the spirit of the wierd thread jack on books (and am in the Myers overrated camp) might I recommend "the guide to getting it on" and "the woman's guide to becoming orgasmic" as books that help me rebuild my own chastity tool belt (and on a side note I used to give the latter title to the women in the ward getting married when I was thier relief society pres...) ultimately, don't look back... “Truly confused” it’s not hopeless..
Left the fold at age 34 for doctrinal/cultural reasons with my virginity also intact. I do have some serious regrets at not exploring my sexuality with some great non-LDS men dated in the past, but after sulking about my losses for awhile decided to make my future sexuality not similarly regrettable.
I have found overcoming the vice-like grip of my former chastity views easier to overcome in a step-wise process. The first year I spent time educating myself about sexuality. Talked to sexually healthy friends, bought about 10 books academic and mainstream with explicit but tasteful pictures and instructions, watched 1 porn and 2 about porn documentaries and generally just got a look at the world around me (good and bad) that had been severly censored for so long.
The next year I spent becoming accepting and comfortable with my body which is a hard balance to figure out where you really fit between extreme modesty and uber-tramp, also becoming comfortable with masturbation and exploring toys and vibrators (which was the hardest after a very disfunctional and perverse experience with a former bishop) to really enjoy and have full control over my personal sexual response (want to really see something sadder than 34y.o virgin,try never masturbating or hitting the “big O” until age 27-now that pisses me off) But I’ve felt like I’ve taken another forward reaching and joyful step.
Next working towards the sex which is hardest but I hope I’m almost there. It is awkward to say to a guy at this age “uh, can you take it slow, I’m a virgin” that’s open for “wierdo” label or the fact that I’ve kept the netherlands so supremely clean I could land a scorching case of herpes by the wrong jerk. There is also the part of me that thinks I’m going to be too picky (when I really don’t want to be) about giving it up.
So I guess I’m saying don’t feel bad about 34, rent “40y.o virgin” pop some popcorn, and do what I do, reinvent your personal chastity mantra to fit who you really are inside. There is really alot of joy and discovery in this new phase of your life, like a new adventure to be had after an old well-meaning but useless chastity topographical map got you nowhere. Wish your fellow virgin luck on phase 3, I’m setting a goal to get laid by 2009. Pity the next guy I get in a somewhat enjoyable dating relationship with, the poor bastard won’t know what hit him.
Also, in the spirit of the wierd thread jack on books (and am in the Myers overrated camp) might I recommend “the guide to getting it on” and “the woman’s guide to becoming orgasmic” as books that help me rebuild my own chastity tool belt (and on a side note I used to give the latter title to the women in the ward getting married when I was thier relief society pres…)
ultimately, don’t look back…

]]> By: MoJo http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/law-of-chastity-redux-again-part-xxicdllv%e2%80%a6/#comment-572 MoJo Fri, 20 Jun 2008 22:20:10 +0000 http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/?p=87#comment-572 <blockquote>Try being a 33-year old virgin who has decided to leave the church! Now I totally regret “waiting” because it makes me rather awkward for where I am in my life.</blockquote> Oh, TC...my heart breaks for you. <blockquote>Isn’t it human nature to wonder if we should’ve done it differently?</blockquote> DoubleL, I believe you're exactly correct. Thank you for putting it so well.

Try being a 33-year old virgin who has decided to leave the church! Now I totally regret “waiting” because it makes me rather awkward for where I am in my life.

Oh, TC…my heart breaks for you.

Isn’t it human nature to wonder if we should’ve done it differently?

DoubleL, I believe you’re exactly correct. Thank you for putting it so well.

]]> By: Truly Confused http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/law-of-chastity-redux-again-part-xxicdllv%e2%80%a6/#comment-571 Truly Confused Fri, 20 Jun 2008 22:13:32 +0000 http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/?p=87#comment-571 Try being a 33-year old virgin who has decided to leave the church! Now I totally regret "waiting" because it makes me rather awkward for where I am in my life. Try being a 33-year old virgin who has decided to leave the church! Now I totally regret “waiting” because it makes me rather awkward for where I am in my life.

]]> By: Tom Sawyer http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/law-of-chastity-redux-again-part-xxicdllv%e2%80%a6/#comment-570 Tom Sawyer Fri, 20 Jun 2008 19:23:46 +0000 http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/?p=87#comment-570 Good point, DoubleL. I've known others who feel the same as you. We want to try to control all variables in life to result in maximum safety and happiness, but ultimately life will always be like stepping off a cliff into the void. Good point, DoubleL. I’ve known others who feel the same as you.

We want to try to control all variables in life to result in maximum safety and happiness, but ultimately life will always be like stepping off a cliff into the void.

]]> By: doubleL http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/law-of-chastity-redux-again-part-xxicdllv%e2%80%a6/#comment-569 doubleL Fri, 20 Jun 2008 18:35:07 +0000 http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/?p=87#comment-569 I wonder what I missed NOT waiting for marriage. I fantasize about being a virgin and learning this stuff with my husband and not having any expectations going in. I feel that what I had experienced before has somewhat taken away from what connection my husband and I could've right off the bat. Isn't it human nature to wonder if we should've done it differently? As for teaching our children, I will teach my kids that they should wait for marriage but I will not hide my condoms. They will know what I hope for them but I will also hope that my children can make those choices for themselves and decide what is right for them. I wonder what I missed NOT waiting for marriage. I fantasize about being a virgin and learning this stuff with my husband and not having any expectations going in. I feel that what I had experienced before has somewhat taken away from what connection my husband and I could’ve right off the bat.
Isn’t it human nature to wonder if we should’ve done it differently?
As for teaching our children, I will teach my kids that they should wait for marriage but I will not hide my condoms. They will know what I hope for them but I will also hope that my children can make those choices for themselves and decide what is right for them.

]]> By: Eugene http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/law-of-chastity-redux-again-part-xxicdllv%e2%80%a6/#comment-568 Eugene Fri, 20 Jun 2008 15:39:48 +0000 http://visitorscenter.wordpress.com/?p=87#comment-568 The "you're jealous of my success" dodge is the lamest ad hominem of them all, a way of shutting down debate rather than engaging it on the merits. Besides being an arrow aimed at the wrong target. <a href="http://www.nationalbook.org/nbaacceptspeech_sking.html" rel="nofollow">Stephen King</a> got to nub of the matter in his National Book Awards speech when he singled out <i>elitism</i> as the enemy of popular art: <blockquote>Nor do I have any patience with or use for those who make a point of pride in saying they've never read anything by John Grisham, Tom Clancy, Mary Higgins Clark or any other popular writer. What do you think? You get social or academic brownie points for deliberately staying out of touch with your own culture?</blockquote> The opposite of passion is indifference. People who argue passionately about books are people who <i>care</i> about books. These are the kinds of arguments that engage authors and sell <i>more</i> books. As Jonathan said recently on the AML list, "Anything that gets people to talk and care about what's in a book is superior to apathy." The old adage, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," poisons the creative process. Besides, an even more interesting question than why a book or movie becomes a hit is why a book or movie <i>I didn't like</i> becomes a hit. Because the answer to that question is a key to understanding myself. The “you’re jealous of my success” dodge is the lamest ad hominem of them all, a way of shutting down debate rather than engaging it on the merits. Besides being an arrow aimed at the wrong target. Stephen King got to nub of the matter in his National Book Awards speech when he singled out elitism as the enemy of popular art:

Nor do I have any patience with or use for those who make a point of pride in saying they’ve never read anything by John Grisham, Tom Clancy, Mary Higgins Clark or any other popular writer. What do you think? You get social or academic brownie points for deliberately staying out of touch with your own culture?

The opposite of passion is indifference. People who argue passionately about books are people who care about books. These are the kinds of arguments that engage authors and sell more books. As Jonathan said recently on the AML list, “Anything that gets people to talk and care about what’s in a book is superior to apathy.”

The old adage, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” poisons the creative process. Besides, an even more interesting question than why a book or movie becomes a hit is why a book or movie I didn’t like becomes a hit. Because the answer to that question is a key to understanding myself.

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