Some ideas on getting what you want from your partner

Recently Eve left this comment on ExponentBlog in response to this post about sex during menstruation:

“I’m pleased to ready so have many positive attitudes. Personally I don’t have an issue with it and my husband says he doesn’t mind, but when I start thinking about the mess and cleaning up I loose all the excitement…

With some previous partners I engaged in mutual oral sex with tampon and all (”mouse tail” ) The current level of intimacy with my husband isn’t there yet.

I am actually needing to find a comfortable way of educating him about my body and it’s rhythms in a way that would not sound condescending. Suggestions?”

A few ideas for you:

• It sounds like, from your comment, that you’ve had previous partners who understood your body better than your current spouse. Is there some non-threatening way for you to suggest new (to him) activities that you previously enjoyed with others? Maybe you can gently suggest trying something “new” together?

• You could pick up a book like The Guide to Getting it On and read it together.

• Certainly it can take some time for your spouse to learn what pleases you. If this is a fairly recent marriage, it might be unfair to expect him to learn it all right away. It sounds like you have the advantage of experience and can guide your relationship in a way that will lead to a better place for both of you.

• Have you tried watching something sexy together? Is there an actor/actress or a genre of film that might be particularly titillating for you two or might be a conversation opener?

• You might want to read through the posts on our “Resources” page together sometime. Perhaps you can send him the link and then it can spark a conversation that’ll lead to a desired outcome?

• Counseling may not be a bad option if the problem is such that you think it’s driving a wedge between you. Even if you don’t speak to a therapist directly about any sexual incompatibilities, s/he may offer you some tools to open your communication.

Readers, what advice can you offer for Eve and others in similar situations?