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MoJoGuest post: “Do it for England”
Posted by Lily on May 10, 2008
This is a guest post from a reader named Sartre
Mormons come from a conflicted subculture when it comes to sex. Young women, and to a lesser extent, young men, are counseled, with good reason, to abstain, but in a less than positive fashion, “no no no.” Yet pre-Manisfesto, Mormons enjoyed anything but a Victorian mindset toward sex. So we’re a paradox. We come from a culture of polygamists, yet now form the most modern day Victorians.
What does that mean? It might be we do a good job keeping marriage counselors busy with our messed up relationships, but that’s not the point. What’s the philosophy of sex according real life Mormons?
Do Mormon men get what it takes to romance our women? Are our women interested enough in that aspect of relationships to make it hot and wild? Or do our women prefer the Victorian attitude, “yes love making sucks, but do it for England, darling”?
May 10, 2008 at 6:39 am
I think that there’s huge variety in the LDS approach to sexuality (as is certainly evidenced by the very existence of this blog). What you hear over the pulpit might be pretty conservative, but what happens in the bedroom may be something entirely different altogether.
May 10, 2008 at 6:51 am
No, most Mormon men do not get what it takes to romance Mormon women–at least not the Mormon men I know.
Most Mormon men lack experience, and also the ability to please women–not just in bed.
May 10, 2008 at 4:17 pm
If a premise of the post is Mormon overemphasis of the LofC was from a backlash against polygamy when the church was rooting out the underground practice thereof early in the last century, I think that is on the money. The modern LDS folk religion, where on the LofC and the WofW rests all the law and all the Prophets, is a very sad conterfeit gospel.
May 10, 2008 at 10:18 pm
anecdotal story coming up (take it as you will):
i have a very close friend who married the daughter of a bishop. she was raised very “no no no” and as a result would only have intercourse with my friend “once every 4 months or so”. he felt he couldn’t bring it up to her as she would dismiss it as unecessary or that she simply didn’t enjoy doing it (possible psychological problems there?). he said it would get so bad that he would have to visit prOn sites and leave the internet history for his wife to be able to see. she would then see his need and “do her duty” that night. once again, this is after 4 months without.
purely anecdotal but nonetheless…
May 10, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Markii:
That’s a sad story. What I don’t understand about situations like that, is why the couples don’t get some counseling? If one partner is so terrifically unsatisfied, why not do something to remedy it?
Of course, I probably just don’t know what I’m talking about given that I haven’t gone 4 months without sex in about two decades and my spouse and I have pretty open communication about our needs and desires.
May 12, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I rather doubt Mormons “enjoyed” anything much different pre-Manifesto, other than multiple partners for the men. But I’m sure when it came right down to it, just as many women would “lie back and think of England” for their husbands back then as do now - maybe more.
May 13, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Do understand that pre-Manifesto, the majority, or at least large percentage (and definitely most of the leadership), of the membership of church was still from New England. Then the Victorians came and took over.
May 16, 2008 at 3:47 am
Markii,
I suspect the situation you mention is more complex than the gal’s upbringing. Perhaps a physical problem? One of my college girl friends needed periodic estrogen-testosterone shots to get into it. Other girls friends felt guity about it due to upbringing, but still enjoyed it often. The situation you describe is essentially zero sex drive. How can upbringing overcome hormones that drive reproduction? While living the LofC before marriage certainly risks mismatched sex drives and a problematic marriage, it sound like this gal has no sex drive, not just a low one. In any event, the odds of such a marriage surviving are low w/o her getting some help.
May 17, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Steve EM,
yes, i’d have to agree with what you’ve said. Usually, hormones will override any kind of psychological issues (for the most part). the answer in this case i’m sure would be a mixture of counseling (and i recommended the book ‘the act of marriage’ to my friend) to not feel like it is so dirty or “wrong”, and medication to help with her hormones. i’d be with you that the problem is most likely leaning towards a hormonal problem, but i wonder what kind of psychological effects she’s suffered as well being raised in such an environment as one could only imagine.
know what? she just needs some good oral.