The “Squick Factor”

On a recent Vistors’ Center post/poll on Anal Sex, a commenter named MoJo laments the “squick factor,” a phrase which she describes as, “I’m still in the changing-diapers phase of childrearing and the whole “poo” thing (yes, I know how to avoid all that) makes me crinkle my nose a bit.”

 

Ah yes, the whole poo thing…

 

It may be practical and efficient that our sexual organs also pull double-duty and perform other utilitarian and decidedly non-sexual functions … but I’ve often wondered if it is some kind of cosmic joke between God and Mother Nature that said utilitarian functions be the job equivalent of Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe?  If “gettin’ down and dirty,” – euphemistically speaking of course – is our sexual organs “night job,” why must their 9-to-5 “day job” be so, well, gross?

 

Whatever the reason, it is a sometimes cruel, sometimes comic fact of life that my favorite female body parts also happen to lactate, menstruate, urinate, and defecate. 

Reasons not to drive naked

Sure, it’s fun and transgressive and different. It spices up the ol’ commute. It can be a good way to flirt with your significant other, and it gets the attention of truckers. (And really, who doesn’t want truckers’ attention?)

But there’s a downside, too. You might get in an accident; and then a (naked) argument with the other driver; and then a cold, nippy walk home (videotaped by a nosy neighbor); and then you might kick in someone else’s door, get arrested, and ultimately end up in the paper over it all. And you wouldn’t want that, would you?

Moral of the story: Don’t drive naked.

Questions for readers:

Have you tried driving naked? Did you like it? What role does it play in your own sexuality or your relationship? What role does exhibitionism play, more broadly?

Did you get a ticket for it? (On the flip side, have you ever flashed skin to get out of a ticket?)

Also: Meth — any thoughts?

What’s the frequency, Kenneth?

Therapist [split screen]: Do you have sex often?
Woody Allen: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
Diane Keaton: [annoyed] Constantly. I’d say three times a week.

-From “Annie Hall”

According to some statistics, married couples have sex an average of 98 times per year (just less than twice a week). Overall, Americans have sex 132 per year, with cohabitating couples having the most sex and singles having the least. (Also, 45% of respondents have had a one-night stand, while 48% of the women surveyed admit to faking orgasms.)

Casual, anecdotal evidence and talks with friends suggests that in some relationships, this becomes a very big deal. What’s the right frequency for sex? To what extent does this differ across gender lines? Do you wish you had sex more often? Less often?

To what extent do libido/frequency issues play a role in your relationship? How do you discuss or resolve those issues?

A Mormon porn star

Below are 2 segments of the Diane Sawyer interviews with “Belladonna” an LDS porn star. A warning: there are some clips in these interviews from porn movies that are somewhat sexually graphic and depict violent behaviors.

I’m curious to know what your reactions are to these clips. Do they cause you to feel any differently about the porn industry than before? Though the interview doesn’t really delve deeply into her Mormonism, do you think, as her mother alluded to, that the church might’ve impacted some of B’s choices?

DIY sex toys: something new to do with all of those zucchini from your Home Teacher

Check out #20 of these of 27 Tips for a Greener Sex Life

For married Mormons: Where does OK end and sin begin?

It’s pretty clear that reproductive style “tab A in slot B” sex with your spouse (while thinking loving thoughts of your spouse) is OK, and waiting until your spouse is asleep and then sneaking into the computer room to masturbate to naughty pictures is a sin. But in fact there’s a whole lot of gray area between these two, and nobody seems to know quite where to draw the line. Of the following scenarios, which are sins? (No cheating by looking at the CHI online! )

Also — whether or not you believe in sin — which of the following actions do you think are or are not conducive to a healthy marriage, and why?

1. Bringing yourself to climax manually while thinking of your spouse is OK:
   1. never
   2. if your spouse is there participating
   3. if you’re away from your spouse for an extended period of time
   4. if you’re on the phone with your spouse
   5. if your spouse is busy, indisposed, or not in the mood
   6. whenever you’re in private.
2. What is OK to think about while having sex with your spouse?

The Carnal Bite

how great that I’m not the only one in the world who is asked by little old ladies at church, “What’s a nice Mormon girl like you doing writing about vampires?” — says Jana Riess. So Stephenie Meyer isn’t the only one. Is the Mormon teen vampire romance now the new Jack Weyland?

I know this isn’t just a Mormon thing (it’s part of a larger trend: Buffy, Ann Rice, etc.), but I’m not surprised to see Mormons joining right in. The fit couldn’t be more perfect. Love and romance are at center stage, but all that scary sex is replaced with the family-friendly entertainment alternative: violence. As I discussed in my post Rated R “just for violence,” I don’t get why healthy depictions of sexuality are totally taboo for young people, but violence can be used as harmless fun for kids.

In the case of vampire romances, it looks like a situation where a teenage girl wants to imagine the male lead having an intense and passionate physical need for her. Yet, perversely, it’s safer to revel in this feeling of physical desire in the form of “blood-lust” — the desire for the death-bearing bite that consumes her — and avoid the (much scarier) real thing. In a nutshell, this whole thing reeks of a rather screwed-up fear of healthy sexuality. Of course I’m totally biased on the subject. Am I being unfair?

Pornography Addiction on FMH

In case you haven’t seen it yet, two posts at FMH today kicked off a series on pornography addiction:

Pornography Series: Introduction

Series: Pictures of Pornography and the LDS People

Some ideas on getting what you want from your partner

Recently Eve left this comment on ExponentBlog in response to this post about sex during menstruation:

“I’m pleased to ready so have many positive attitudes. Personally I don’t have an issue with it and my husband says he doesn’t mind, but when I start thinking about the mess and cleaning up I loose all the excitement…

With some previous partners I engaged in mutual oral sex with tampon and all (”mouse tail” :)) The current level of intimacy with my husband isn’t there yet.

I am actually needing to find a comfortable way of educating him about my body and it’s rhythms in a way that would not sound condescending. Suggestions?”

A few ideas for you:

• It sounds like, from your comment, that you’ve had previous partners who understood your body better than your current spouse. Is there some non-threatening way for you to suggest new (to him) activities that you previously enjoyed with others? Maybe you can gently suggest trying something “new” together?

• You could pick up a book like The Guide to Getting it On and read it together.

• Certainly it can take some time for your spouse to learn what pleases you. If this is a fairly recent marriage, it might be unfair to expect him to learn it all right away. It sounds like you have the advantage of experience and can guide your relationship in a way that will lead to a better place for both of you.

• Have you tried watching something sexy together? Is there an actor/actress or a genre of film that might be particularly titillating for you two or might be a conversation opener?

Cultural Attitudes

I’m 100% caucasian and was raised in very American communities with very little diversity. I’ve traveled a little, but sex has never been a topic of discussion with the people I meet in other countries. Please enlighten me! Do LDS members raised in other non-American cultures have different attitudes toward sex than those raised in American culture? Are Mia Maid chastity lessons the same in France and Brazil and Jamaica as they are in Provo? I’m very curious if cultures that have more open (and less Victorian, hat tip to Joseph) have significantly different views, attitudes, and approaches toward sex within the LDS context.