Unrealistic Expectations?

One of the primary feminist complaints about pornography is that is promotes unrealistic expectations. This point has already come up on The Visitors’ Center here. I’ve also heard people jokingly suggest that romance novels play a parallel role, encouraging women to have unrealistic expectations that ordinary men can’t live up to. I’d never heard this argued seriously, though, until I read this fascinating post about Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight.

The comments in particular blew me away:

Fast Offerings: A Personal History of Masturbation

Like millions of healthy young Mormon lads, I struggled with the sin of masturbation. Part of my extended conversion experience as a 16 year old investigator included a trip to the Bish. When I was prepping for my mission, my bishop all but heaved a great sigh of relief when he learned that my grievous confession was gripping the iron rod once every few months.

On my mission, I made it almost four months without choking the Bishop. Once again, when I confessed to my first mission prez, he was almost dismissive. A few months later, when I was stuck with a companion who had the habit of relating his pre-repentance sexual encounters after lights out, I crept away to call the new president from a pay phone. When I confessed that I was tempted to shake hands with the prophet, he seemed irritated that I had called him. He didn’t go there on our next one-on-one, so neither did I.

Eventually, I caught on that my priesthood leaders didn’t want to hear my solo misadventures with little Helaman. They were interested in the sordid, serious sins. Was he sneaking off to cavort with the harlot Isabel? Were there hanging clusters of grapes involved? Of course, I may be a little off on my interpretation of their concerns, but I’m just reporting my impressions at the time.

So I made a tacit deal with myself and with God. I would make a good faith effort to keep from polishing the Sword of Laban. If I slipped up and gave myself a personal priesthood interview once a month or so, that was within reason–after all, God was concerned about our limits to endure. I’d feel guilty, repent, and God would beat me a with a few strokes. I’d be extra careful in the weeks leading up to temple interviews and priesthood ordinances. And Sundays were out of the question. This agreement lasted past my mission and probably helped me and my lovely partner make it to the temple six months later, disheveled but with purity intact.

So, here’s my question to all of you in Mormonland: how much does this square with what you know about Mormon men and masturbation? Am I a lone stripling warrior or are we as the armies of Helaman? And how is this whole experience different for women growing up in the Church?

Resources: Proctor on Birth control

Continuing with the theme of posting links to resources about Mormonism and sexuality: One important article is Melissa Proctor’s article Bodies, Babies, and Birth Control, which discusses the history of birth control among Mormons. The article is available in Dialogue’s free digital archive. Highly recommended!

A sticky situation

For all you Mormons out there who wonder why semen seems so sticky, there is a simple biological explanation. But you may not like it.

Semen from a wide variety of species forms a “plug” that prevents a subsequent sex partner’s sperm from reaching the egg.

Some species form a “hard plug,” while others form a “soft plug.” We humans happen to be of the soft plug variety. Species that form a soft plug have evolved a penis shape that is exquisitely capable of removing a previous male’s soft plug, so that a male’s own sperm can pass this barrier and race toward the egg. Thrusting during sex facilitates soft plug removal. Species that form a hard semen plug generally have a bone in the penis that helps dislodge the previous male’s plug.

This entire scenario reeks of polyandry, when you think about it. Then consider the fact that we are made in God’s image, and that many Mormons believe that God and Joseph Smith are polygynists, and that women do not practice polyandry in the afterlife (i.e. women can be sealed to only one man, while men can be sealed to many women).

Whether resurrected beings have genitals is an entirely different matter, of course. But what does semen biology tell us about humanity in general? What does sticky semen tell us about our creation? Why would God endow men with the ability to so aptly remove a competitor’s sperm, if women were not meant to be polyandrous?

More bloggernacle posts about sexuality

There are a whole lot of interesting bloggernacle posts, and collecting them all will take some time. For now, here are a few more links of possible interest. (Thanks to my co-blogger Lily for finding some of these.)

Pormonism (or, Porn meets Mormonism)

Exponent II magazine recently dedicated an entire volume to the topic of porn addiction. The volume is available for free online, and has a number of different articles on the topic. A good blog discussion is also available at Exponent blog.

I’m glad that the magazine and blog are addressing the topic of porn. It’s an important issue for a lot of people, and it’s one that is often swept under the carpet. This kind of sustained discussion can be a good thing.

I’m less happy with the ultimate product, though. It seems to me that, while it has some real good material, it also has some significant omissions, blind spots, and problems.

Sacrament meeting

Jeffrey R. Holland tells us that sex is a sacrament. I happen to agree.

And what do we do with the sacrament? Do we give it only to our spouse?

Resources on Mormon sexuality

I just put up a page listing resources on Mormon sexuality.

This list is a work-in-progress (I just filled in a few initial links, and some categories). I hope to fill it in with books, articles, blog posts, talks, and the like. I welcome any suggestions for the list, from readers and co-bloggers.

Nakations in the New York Times

Today’s New York Times has a great article about the rise in “nakations” — hotels, resorts, and cruises for the clothing-optional. The article notes that:

To many, the mention of a nudist resort conjures up images of isolated beach colonies with volleyball courts, hippie-style gatherings in a secluded campground or R.V. parks tucked away in the woods for vacationers who still talk reverently about the Summer of Love.

And while those kinds of offerings still exist for Mr. Massa and his fellow naturalists, as they prefer to be called, the real boom in nude vacations is coming at the high end of the business, as upscale hotels and resorts, and even some luxury cruise lines, have begun to see the economic potential in the no-clothes crowd — particularly those who want to shed their clothes but not their pampered lifestyles.

Blog chatter about Mormon sexuality

The bloggernacle is often a good source of discussion about Mormonism and sexuality. The topic comes up often, especially at a few places.

Here are a few recent bloggernacle posts on sexuality that I’ve noticed: