Utah’s #1! In porn consumption…

This was last week’s big story on the Bloggernacle (before it got edged out by HBO’s temple antics).  I meant to post something about it here at The Visitors’ Center (since Mormons-n-porn is one of our favorite subjects!) but what is there to say?  So Mormons look at a lot of porn on the Internet.  Surprise, surprise!  Unless you’ve been sleeping through General Conference for the past few years, you already know it.

Aside: I don’t listen to General Conference myself — I prefer the Bloggernacle-digest version.  You get all the juicy bits — plus entertaining commentary — without sitting through the snoozer talks.  And if one thing is certain, the Bloggernacle-digest version has the porn subject covered, but good!

So, as I like to do when I have nothing of my own to add to a subject, I’ll just give you an index of what everybody else is saying about this:

Naturally, the reaction of the culture warriors on the liberal side was somewhere between gloating and “I told you so!” — viewing it as a morality tale about hypocrisy and authoritarianism.  Pharyngula sums it up, and similar discussions appeared on Silence of the Clams, Gene Expression, and Main Street Plaza.  And Good Reason added to the theme by tying in a few related (unintentionally) humorous t-shirts like the “EX-Masturbator” ones and some homoerotic Mormon ones.

Naturally, the faithful blogs favored re-analyzing the statistics.  After all, the study didn’t cover anywhere near all the types of porn available, and Utah isn’t all Mormon.  Mormon Matters discusses these flaws, and points out the low rate of porn consumption in (heavily Mormon) Idaho.  Chris Smith (faithful, but not Mormon) takes the Idaho example a step further and suggests that Mormonism works better as a subculture than as a dominant culture.  Eugene Woodbury covers these flaws as well, and adds

However, the popular perception that Edelman is onto something might explain why Mormon church leaders are so obsessed with the subject. Though this obsession has also made online porn the current “sin of choice” among Mormons, the confession of which being used (as a moral “theory of everything”) to absolve all others.

Then there were some blogs that decided that — despite the flaws in this particular study — maybe it’s a good time to open up the discussion again and try to understand what’s going on.  The LDS Stake Medium Council asks what are the implications for the church if these trends continue.  And BCC posted 50 conversations about one thing.  Actually, I’m not really sure where these conversations came from or where BCC was going with them, but maybe someone here can explain it to me…

A little bit of cleavage

Today’s Exponent post got me thinking about my own relationship to my breasts, which is complex.  When I was a teen and realized that my breasts got me a lot of attention from guys, I realized that I could use them to my advantage.  I knew that guys wanted them and as soon as I let them under my shirt, they were pretty helpless (why is that??).  It seemed to whet their appetites and leave them wanting more.  This undeniable attraction that guys had with my chest was mystifying even as I marveled that it held such sway and used that to my advantage.

As I’ve gotten older, I’m still often amazed at how a small bit of cleavage can catch the attention of almost any man (and some women, too, but I’m just now starting to notice that). Even in my most professional of relationships, I can catch a guy’s eyes darting down to my chest. And I wonder, what is going through his mind when he does that? What is he hoping to see? Does it arouse him? Does it send mixed messages about my intentions? Or is it just plain curiosity?

I still seem to enjoy the power that my breasts wield–even though mine are far from being as perky and as attractive as they were 20 years ago. They create a kind of marker between me and the men around me that signals our differences and the potential for danger and/or illicit behavior. I can’t think of another body part that so readily achieves this type of nuanced communication–that suggests “I am woman and you are man” and hints at an ensuing tension between us.

The fruits of abstinence

Can you stand any more Twilight discussion?

We’ve already talked about how substituting “bloodlust” for actual lust is perhaps a bit creepy. But there’s another dimension to Twilight’s “squeaky-clean” take on sex (explained in this article ): fetishizing abstinence is itself problematic.

Firstly, where does this steamy chastity lead a teenager?

Perhaps some of this bitter disappointment stems from book four’s departure into adult territory, where Bella becomes a traditional—and boring—teenaged mom. The removal of the couple’s sexual tension reveals two tepid, unenlightened people. Neither character has much to offer outside the initial high school romance storyline: Bella doesn’t have any interesting hobbies, nor is she particularly engaged in the world around her. Her only activity outside her relationship with Edward seems to be cooking dinner for her father. Edward hangs out with his family, but the bulk of his 24 hours a day of wakefulness seems to go to either saving Bella from danger or watching her when she sleeps—you know, that age-old savior/stalker duality. Romantic!

Secondly, there’s this:

The Twilight books conflate Bella losing her virginity with the loss of other things, including her sense of self and her very life.

In other words: girls, you are your “virtue” — nothing more nothing less.

Well, as messages for teen girls go, it’s traditional at least…

Mormon “technical virgins”

Even when I was a virginal Mormon teenager, I found the idea of doing “everything else but” — just so that you could remain officially a virgin — was a little weird and irrational.  I thought about this again while re-reading Greta Christina’s influential article Are We Having Sex Now or What? Greta talks about how she didn’t perceive any sexual play besides penis/vagina intercourse as “sex” until she started having sex with women (as an adult ).

My own experience was quite different. Yes, like Greta, for a time I kept a mental list that included only those people I had all of sex with (by the standard heterosexual definition ). However, for my first experience, I never really saw “technical virginity” as the significant dividing line. With my first real boyfriend I didn’t quite go “all the way” (would have, but we broke up too quickly ), and it was with him that (in my own perception ) I crossed the line from “inexperienced” to “experienced.” Crossing the official line with another boyfriend a year later was merely a technicality so that others would agree that I was not longer a virgin.

So I’m wondering: Is it just me, or is it a Mormon thing to downplay “technical virginity”?

I think one could make a case for either side. On the one hand, Mormon chastity lessons for youth always emphasize that masturbation, necking, and petting are sins that are right up there with fornication — practically just different points on the immorality spectrum. And you can repent of any of them and be again chaste. On the other hand, it’s my impression that a couple can have a temple wedding as long as they’re “only” doing “everything else but.”

What do you say? Do you laugh at the idea behind the following Landover Baptist image? Or do/did you believe it?

Gratitude

So this is a bit of an obligatory gratitude post given that this is Thanksgiving week and all.  But I am feeling very grateful so here’s a short list of things that I’m thankful about today (not in any particular order):

penises (and penis shaped objects), backrubs, orgasms, multiple orgasms, sweet talk, fluttery kisses on my neck, harder bitey kisses on my shoulders, my DH’s January appt for a vasectomy (sweet Jesus, am I grateful for that one), clean sheets, dirty sheets (heh), his hands, my hands, and all manner of handiwork, did I mention orgasms?, breasts, those hard muscle’s in DH’s calves, the way his hair tickles my face when he’s on top, lube, latex, silk, candlelight, when the kids go to bed early, when DH goes to work late, lunch hours, dinner dates, trying new things, falling back on old favorites, giggles, moans, heavy breathing, and knowing that as time goes on it only gets better…

What are you feeling grateful for?

More Bloggernacle Sex

Surely by now you’ve seen the most recent post at FMH about sex–specifically addressing sexual dysfunction in marriage (methinks the author should spend some time reading Visitor Center posts with her hubby).

Also, recently two other LDS-themed sex sites have come to my attention:

Good in Bed: a place for LDS women to discuss sex (h/t to fmh readers)

Celestial Sex: discussing sex and other taboo LDS topics (h/t to Joseph)

Does anyone else out there know of other LDS sex sites besides these?

Flip a coin, I guess

The numbers aren’t good.  From the Washington Post:  ”Almost Half of Women Have Sexual Problems“

In a double whammy for the female gender, new research shows that 40 percent of women report sexual problems, but only 12 percent are distressed about it.

“The good news is that 12 percent is a very different number than 40 percent,” said study author Dr. Jan Shifren, an associate professor of obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive biology at Harvard Medical School and director of the Vincent Menopause Program at Massachusetts General Hospital, both in Boston.

But 12 percent of 83 million U.S. women aged 20 to 65 is nothing to scoff at.

The good news, I guess, is that many of the problems aren’t serious; and many women don’t care.  (Is it really good news if they don’t care?)  But, damn.  Half of women.

Is this more pronounced among Mormons?  Offhand, I’d say it probably is. 

So, what can or should we do about it?

Vote for . . . Bush?

We all know about the free coffee, donuts, and ice cream that you can get for voting.  (Courtesy of Starbucks, Krispy Kreme, and Ben & Jerry’s.)  

But if that’s not enough to entice you to vote . . . how about some free sex toys?  

Yes, if you live in L.A., New York, or Seattle, you can get a free sex toy for voting.  

Babeland, with stores in New York, Los Angeles and Seattle, is offering a pair of self-gratifying incentives for voters who present their registration cards, ballot stubs or “word of honor” that they voted next Tuesday.

The rewards are no-so-subtle reminders of this year’s campaign rhetoric. For men, it’s the “Maverick,” a “sleeve” for self-pleasuring. According to a press release, “He’s always there to lend a hand, he works for every man, and he bucks the status quo.” Women can choose the “Silver Bullet” mini-vibrator, which is “a magical solution to difficult problems” and “a great stress-reliever during these troubled economic times!” The promotion lasts through Nov. 11.

What a great idea for a promotion!

As for me, I’m off to the polls.  Then it’s a quick trip to Starbucks, Krispy Kreme, and the local Babeland. And after that, I’ll be in my room.  Pondering politics, of course.  Please knock before coming in. 

Getting girly again

I just started back on hormone-based birth control recently, after a few months of being off of it–the return to the BC being highly motivated by an ‘accident’ that led to a frantic trip to the grocery store for some rather spendy Plan B.  I have mixed feelings about taking hormones, and will be pretty happy when DH gets the snip so this is no longer a concern for us.  However, there do seem to be some positive side-benefits to the hormones.  For one thing, my libido returns to a level that seems far more ‘normal.’

Teen sex

And now, some sobering news.  Watching Sex and the City as a teenager will double (!) your chances of involvement in teen pregnancy.  

I’m generally in favor of sex on television . . . as long as you don’t fall off.  (Rimshot).  

But seriously — damn.  Doubles the likelihood of teen pregnancy.  

It’s almost enough to make me reconsider whether church leaders are actually right (or maybe partly right) on the issue.